Organize Your Library!

If, like many Americans, you have books in your house, you may occasionally wonder how to organize them. You could, of course, just throw all your books on the floor, figuring that this is the most natural and organic sort of order for your book collection. The problem with this approach is that your books can get mixed up with your doughnut collection, which might cause digestive distress or other internal harm (depending on which book happens to have landed in the doughnut box). A better plan is to organize your books in some coherent way.

There are any number of ways to organize your books. You could line them up by size, by color, by weight, or by smell, or even by half-life. However, you might, some day, want to find a particular book. If you arranged your books by weight, and can’t remember how much the book you want to find weighs, then organizing your books by weight will not have helped you.

At this point, you should consider giving up. You could just forget about organizing your books, and go eat doughnuts. Or, if you’d rather, you could lie on the floor and make amusing noises.

If you do decide to organize your books, you might consider arranging them by subject. At The Flying News, we have developed a revolutionary new cataloging and classification system, known as TFNHS,1 which we expect will be widely adopted by libraries in the near future. If you want to get ahead of the curve, you should consider using this unique system too. The general outline of TFNHS is as follows:

  • 000-199: Science
    • 000-047: Mathematics
      • 000-011: Euclidean Geometry
      • 012-019: Cartesian Geometry
      • 01A-027: Conics
      • 028-032: Non-Euclidean Geometry
      • 033-046: Toroid Geometry
      • 046-047: Other Mathematics
    • 048-10F: Physics
      • 048-05A: Astrophysics
      • 05B-071: Cosmology
      • 072-07E: Thermodynamics
      • 07F-081: Electrodynamics
      • 082-087: Dynamite Dynamics
      • 088-099: Quantum Mechanics
      • 09A-09C: Statistical Mechanics
      • 09D-09F: Pastry Mechanics
      • 0A0-0D0: Nuclear Physics
      • 0D1-10F: Other Physics
    • 110-12C: Biology
    • 12D-15A: Psychology
      • 12D-139: Anti-Mental Psychology
        • 12D-139: Behaviorism
      • 13A-141: Cognitive Psychology
      • 142-14F: Doughnut Psychology
      • 150-15A: Other Psychology
    • 15B-191: Philosophy
      • 15B-17A: Metaphysics
      • 17B-17F: Philosophy of Humor
      • 180-18F: Philosophy of Humour
      • 190-191: Other Philosophy
    • 192-197: Flying News Studies
      • 192-193: Doughnuts
      • 194-196: Humor Science
      • 196-197: Humour Science
    • 198-199: Other Sciences
  • 19A-22A: Literature
  • 22B-9AD: Poetry
  • 9AE-9AF: Mysteries
  • 9AM-5PM: Depressing Books
  • 5FM-777: Humor
  • 778-UFO: Humour
  • TFN-SCR: Doughnuts
  • CLA-HDL: Cheesy Books
  • 999-B22: Sappy Books
  • B23-FFF: Books About Walruses

  • “Arbeitszimmer eines Messies,” by tabaluga, GPL ( via Wikimedia Commons (modified by The Flying News).

    1. The Flying News Hexadecimal System.

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