There are some people out there who would do just about anything to lose weight: pills, surgery, deliberately infecting yourself with tapeworms, and even, in some extreme cases, dieting and exercise. Thanks to science—specifically, thanks to mass-energy equivalence as developed within Einstein’s theory of special relativity—it is possible to lose weight without any of these drastic and uncomfortable solutions.
The theory works like this: mass and energy are equivalent, and temperature is equivalent to the average kinetic temperature of a substance. Therefore, since the primary means of losing weight is to initiate a decrease in mass, lowering a body’s temperature is equivalent to an instant loss in weight.
So in order to lose weight, all you need to do is stay very still, relax, and think cold thoughts. This lowers your body temperature, and you instantly weigh less.
This is also, perhaps, the reason why 87.2% of weight loss clinics measure the patient’s ‘after’ weight in a cool room.1
- This statistic was obtained by a highly scientific procedure involving fifteen pennies, ten dimes, 7 nickels, 2, quarters, and a half dollar. ↩