Product Review: Boss-Mode Hammock

Does your work interfere with your relaxation? Do you find yourself sitting at a desk when you’d rather be reclining? Technology hasn’t yet enabled you to be in your office working at the same time that you’re at the beach surfing, but all the same, the Boss-Mode Hammock is a major advance in the possibilities of at-work relaxation.

How does it work? It’s absolutely simple! You install the hammock in your office, cubicle, etc., and then lie in it.

Now this might seem like a recipe for getting fired, and with an ordinary, everyday, Non-Boss-Mode Hammock, it would be. But with the Boss-Mode Hammock, you can keep your job, and enjoy state-of-the-art relaxation at one and the same time. It works like this: anyone entering your pre-defined work area is presented with a recorded, 3-dimensional, computer-generated image of you, sitting at your desk, hunched over, working busily. Meanwhile, you are lying in your hammock, relaxing and listening to any one of four pre-set sound tracks: waves and surf, country meadow, heavy metal action, or 1960’s disco party.1

Installation is a four-day process involving several hundred very-low-powered lasers, a high voltage power supply, and an array of pheromone projectors. Options include a custom piña colada maker, a Shiatsu massage attachment, and an aromatherapy module.

We are very pleased to announce that The Flying News has been given four of these hammocks to test out. Check back in a week for news of how they have boosted our productivity and sharpened our sense of humor.

“Hammock 040522” by Dennis Mojado, CC-BY-2.0, via Wikipedia Commons.

  1. Or all four at once, if you really want.

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