A Motorists Creed


I believe in petroleum distillate.

I believe that an expensive car enhances sexual fitness.

That a car’s horsepower directly correlates to intelligence.

That the larger your car is, the better you are.

That if you pick your nose in your own car, nobody can see you.

That I can drive safely while drunk, texting, and with my eyes shut—but nobody else can.

That a bright colored car is faster and more aerodynamic.

Anyone driving slower than I am is an idiot.

Anyone driving faster than I am is a reckless fool.

Anyone driving slower than I am is infringing on my fundamental human rights.

1 Comment

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  1. Acrophile says:

    You could add “I believe bicyclists are vermin”

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