Forever Dollar to Enter U.S. Currency

Following on the popularity of the Forever Stamp sold by the United States Postal Service, the United States Treasury announced that it will introduce the “Forever Dollar” into the American currency system. Like the stamps which can be used for first class letter postage both now and in eternity, the Forever Dollar will be immune to inflation. It will always be worth $1.000000 USD and will always be able to purchase 1 loaf of bread, as well as everything typically available at a dollar store.

Dollar stores across America are excited about this change and many believe it will boost their sales. Dan Rutter, CEO of Dollar Stores USA, a conglomerate of several chains, said, “We are taking this opportunity to advertise our presence, and are even giving away Forever Dollars to our millionth customer this year at each store, which we estimate will bring in 999,999 new customers at each location.”

What will the Forever Dollar look like? It will feature an image of Uncle Sam in place of all of George Washington’s head, which Secretary of the Treasury Jacob J. Lew states is “both better looking and less controversial.” Plus, Uncle Sam never gets any older, and never loses his hair¹, symbolic of the Forever Dollar, which will not lose its value.

As with other denominations, there will be measures incorporated into the design to prevent counterfeiting. For one thing, the word COUNTERFEIT will be printed in a special 0.000072 point font which will appear 1 million times larger when reproduced by photocopying or computer printing. In addition, a special heat-sensitive dye will be used to print a skull and crossbones over Uncle Sam’s likeness, which will appear when rubbed between your hands or left in your pocket for more than an hour.

There may also be an electronic version of the Forever Dollar which can be used to buy electronics electronically. However, this has not been verified and the Secretary of the Treasury could not be reached for comment.

President Obama said that he believes the Forever Dollar will “bring the economy back from the dead, create jobs, and provide for our children.” The Securities Exchange Commission (SEC), however, warned that forward-looking statements always involve a certain degree of risk and uncertainty.

While most people do not notice it, experts estimate that George Washington loses his hair at the rate of approximately 1 strand per year, so that eventually he will only be wearing a wig on dollar bills. ↩