Pastor, That WAS My Cell Phone

Finnish Pastor Installs Localized Electromagnetic Pulse Generators

Frustrated with his services being interrupted by cell phone calls, Finnish Lutheran pastor Petteri Piirto, decided to adopt a technologically advanced solution at his parish church in Västanfjärd, Finland. Working with MagnoPulse© Corporation, he installed highly focused Localized Electromagnetic Pulse (LEMP) generators over the doors of the church.

There have been some complaints from worshipers: “There I was quietly praying,” says Carola Tikkanen, “when I felt something warm in my pocket. I looked down, and there was smoke starting to come up—my pants were starting to catch fire.” While this incident is the only reported case of anyone’s pants catching fire, several other worshipers have found their cell phones melted in their pockets after church.

Petteri Piirto, however, defends his act: “I warned my parishioners for several weeks beforehand that their cell phones might be destroyed if they persisted in bringing them to church. I also posted large and evident warning signs on the doors, and provide free, secure, electromagnetically shielded lockers just outside the church.”

Rumor has it that a group of local teenagers have developed a way to shield their cell phones from Electromagnetic Radiation. Details remain scarce, although such shielding is certainly possible, and could be easily and inexpensively produced. (At The Flying News, we always wrap our cell phones in aluminum foil, just in case.)

Photo: “Mobil uvnitr” by Martin Brož. Public domain, available at Wikimedia Commons https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Mobil_uvnitr.png#mediaviewer/File:Mobil_uvnitr.png