Surgery For A More Assertive Nose

Contrary to the stereotype, it’s not only women who worry about their looks. But where women might worry about the shape of their body, the length of their legs, or the silkiness of their hair, men are often more concerned with having an assertive face. This is especially important for managers: A sufficiently aggressive face will keep your colleagues awake and intent at meetings, since they will be afraid of being violently attacked if they take their eyes off of you for even a minute.

What to do, then, if you have the misfortune to be a man with a mild face? You might try to ruggedize your face by scrubbing it with sandpaper several times a day. You could also simply go around and insult people to show how assertive you are. But if those solutions don’t appeal to you, you should consider rhinoplasty.1 While expensive, rhinoplasty gives you a wide range of options, from the relatively mild nose-lengthening procedure (à la Pinocchio) to the eye-catching and unique nose horn (à la rhinocéros). This last form of rhinoplasty, we should mention, not only has business applications, but is also useful in self-defence and, in a pinch, can be used to carry coats, handbags, or doughnuts.

Detail of “Pilansberg 151” by Joonas Lyytinen, Käyttäjä:Joonasl. (Doughnut not found in original.) CC-BY-2.5 via Wikimedia Commons.

  1. Literally, “nose shaping.”

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