Time T to Occur

If you’ve been around a little while, you’ve probably heard quite a few references to Time T. In case you haven’t heard about time T yet, here are some of the typical things that scientists say will happen at time T:

  • Economics: At time T, the original investment of $10,000 will have tripled.
  • Physics: At time T, body B of mass M will collide with planet P, ending all life on earth.
  • Psychology: At time T, reading The Flying News will result in a sense of euphoria.
  • Physiology: At time T, the increase in average human body mass will slow the rotation of the planet, leading to longer weekends.
  • Applied Psychology: At time T, woman W and man M will fall in love while discussing The Flying News TFN, get married, and live happily ever after.
  • Food Science: At time T, doughnut D will be perfectly cooked. Remove from fat, allow to cool, then eat.
  • Applied Food Science: At time T, take the cream pie CP and launch it at an angle A of 43.56° with a velocity V of 243 mm/s. CP will collide with victim V with a force of not more than 2.1 kg·m/s3, causing general amusement.
  • Applied Legal Science:

    Judge: Are you willing to answer the prosecutor P’s question about your whereabouts at time T?
    Accused: At time T, I was performing action A at location L.
    Prosecutor: You see that the accused admits his guilt.
    Defense: Your honor, I object.

Given the momentousness of time T, we’ve always wondered when it would happen. Well, there is no need to wonder any longer. At The Flying News, we have the date of time T pinned down to within five minutes. While investigating alien artefacts found in an ancient sealed passageway beneath the temple of Teotihuacán©,Tot Tibor, xenoarcheologist at the International Hungarian University, found a note stating that: “Time T will happen tomorrow, at precisely ten minutes past noon, EST.” So be ready: time T is almost here!

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