Nutrition Facts

In response to urgent inquiries from the FDA and the Board of Health, we are disclosing Nutritional Information for The Flying News.


Nutrition Facts

Serving Size 1 liter (584·1013 ± 12·10-1232 kg·m/s2)

Servings Per Container about 13.456

Amount Per Serving
Calories 10,238     Calories from Fat -475
% Daily Value
Total Fat 147kg/s3.002%
  Saturated Fat 32gm3%
  Supersaturated Fat .2g1%
  Trans Fat 1ml 
  Post Fat 8km·i3%
Cholesterol 0mg3.14159265…%
Sodium -2km21.41421…%
Total Carbohydrate 40°R2%
  Dietary Fiber cotton and wool blendcontains 1% or less of rayon and spandex
  Sugar 119 lbs.100%
  Honey 142 lbs.A little on the heavy side
Protein a little bitWhy do you want to know?
Nutein only on TuesdaysBut it wasn’t a knife
Electein negatively chargedElectein? What’s that?
Vitamin AOnly if you study hard
Vitamin CAt least you paid attention the whole semester
Vitamin FWell, you got what you deserved
Calcium200% (good for (metallophages)
Iron730 K for cotton
Einsteinium98% (makes you smarter)
*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 doughnut diet. Your Daily Values may be higher or lower depending on how often you read The Flying News.
This information is top secret and may requires a security clearance of at least walrus.

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