The Necktie: Instrument of Destruction

Vim Vocifero
3 June 2014

The Origin of the Necktie1

Many years ago, I happened to glance at a book about inventions that changed history. It contained essays by different scholars (or I assume they were scholars—it was a long time ago, and I don’t even remember the name of the book), each arguing that some technology or other was the most influential.

I remember one essay talking about the plow, and one (I think) about hay. There may well have been one about nuclear weapons, space elevators, or computers, but maybe not—it was a very long time ago, and I’m not sure those things had been invented yet.

What, to my surprise, was not mentioned is the one invention that has influenced the course, not only of human events, but even of astronomical occurrences at least throughout our solar system.2

The deleterious physiological effects of the necktie are unequivocal and sufficiently documented even as early as mid-twentieth century.3 What is not so well known, and what I will focus on here, is the devastating and miasmic psychological influence of the necktie.

In fact, as I will detail in the next chapter, the necktie exaggerates and incites aggression, while at the same time reducing discipline. For example, the psychological influence of the necktie (recently introduced to France) was a major factor in the French defeat in the seven years war (1756-63). More recent and even more devastating, Dadaism was a direct product of the necktie, and its intentionally offensive characteristic shows many of the peculiar psychologically symptoms of acute grabatapsychosis.

  1. Excerpt from Finley Harper’s A Short History of the Necktie: Death, Destruction, and Domination, Studies in Sartorial History (Boise: Three Tailors’ Press, 2014), 3-5. ↩
  2. In “My Experiences on the Outer Planets,” (Xenophthalmological Review 79 (2009): 73-97) Farshad van Heck recounts in very moving terms his experiences with the necktie on Europa and Ganymede, and their influence on planetary motion. His telling analysis of the psychological perversion inherent in the wearing of the necktie is also very valuable. ↩
  3. Among the first to expose the negative physiological effects was Georgia Bradley, Why the Necktie is Bad, Awful, and Restrictive of Blood Flow to the Brain (Chicago: Rosegarden Press, 1959). More recently Jorge Limón (“Doughnut Eaters and the Optic Nerve,” 113th General Meeting of the American Society for Buddhist Nanobiology (1997), 89-257), and André Cunha Gomes (“Is the Necktie a Fomite for the Transmission of Acquired Infections?” Australian Journal of Fashion and Disease Transmission 68 (2003): 34-54) have provided significant clarification. ↩

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How to Split Wood How to Influence People Public domain image from a manuscript of the Bhagavata Purana, available at https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Ganesha_ink.jpg#mediaviewer/File:Ganesha_ink.jpg.George has Four Mommies Book Review: The Only Book About Anything At All You’ll Ever Need To Know

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