Why and How to Carve Your Name Into a Brick Anonymously

Anonymous Brick

We all like to think we will have left a trace when we die. We want to leave a legacy, memories someone will hold onto, chunks of mineral someone will cherish. So we make gravestones, and bricks, and that sort of thing. If you’re an artist, maybe you can paint a self-portrait, but for the […]

Pennsylvania Library Hosts ‘Skin-Head Storytime’ Despite Community Protests

Leechburg, Pa: Despite mostly peaceful community protests, the Armstrong County Library proceeded with a ‘Skin-Head Storytime’ yesterday afternoon. About twenty-seven children aged four through six attended, along with parents and other community members. When asked why the Armstrong County Library offered a venue for this distasteful event, Head Children’s Librarian Cassandra Ngo, who uses the […]

Experiments in Instant Gratification

Sad gingerbread man cookie.

You know that experiment where they tell a child, “You can have one marshmallow now, or two later”? Most of the kids choose the one marshmallow now, showing “just how stupid most children are,” in scientific terminology. Under the direction of Big Science, the experiment is now being conducted in performance venues such as theatres […]

Happy Birthday Named National Anthem of Cyprus

Foreign eggman

The Republic of Cyprus recently went through an extensive period of revisionist history, the latest revision being the national anthem. For the last so many years,1 Cyprus has shared the national anthem of Greece, Hymn to Liberty. But lately, Cypriots voted to switch to Happy Birthday as their new national anthem. Hymn to Liberty is […]

Little Girl Refuses to Have Birthday, Stays Six Years Old

"Birthday13Slovakia1" by Jozef Kotulič - Own work. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Birthday13Slovakia1.JPG#mediaviewer/File:Birthday13Slovakia1.JPG: Modified.

Suzanne G. Corbett, of Dayton, OH, known to her friends as Suzie, recently refused to have a seventh birthday: I like being six years old, and my mommy says that when I’m seven, I’ll have to be a big girl and won’t be able to eat my mud pies anymore. This is, perhaps, a typical […]

How to Make a Jelly Doughnut

Someone cutting a dessert.

Easy Recipe – Only Two Ingredients! Welcome back to another episode of The Flying News Cooking Channel! In this episode, we will teach you how to make a Jelly Doughnut! With only Two Ingredients! What could be better?! Well, maybe a Cream Doughnut. Or a Jelly Waffle? Or a Jelly Waffle Whipped Cream Doughnut! Now, […]

Regrets

Outlandish antique computer.

Dear Sirs, We regret to inform you that the after-burner on your self-regulating laser-powered discombobulator has expired, and you will need to purchase a new set of fuel packs to re-energise it. If you choose not to purchase the update, the software on your discombobulator and all saved settings will be encrypted and a new […]