Three weeks before Christmas, on 4 December, Mr. Edgar Rolton was pronounced dead after suddenly collapsing at the very end of a festive holiday party. Several friends tried to resuscitate the man, aged 45, while his wife (widow) looked on in utter grief. Paramedics arrived shortly thereafter but even they failed to resuscitate him. The […]
Polls indicate that, if you are a typical American, Englishman, Australian, German, Peruvian, Bolivian, or Martian, there is a 92.4% chance that you have not yet finished your Christmas shopping. Well, The Flying News is, as always, here to help. We have prepared a superb list of last minute Christmas presents to help you avert […]
When asked in a recent survey what the true meaning of Christmas is, 53% of Americans answered “Santa Claus”, 38% answered “Evergreens”, 7% answered “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”, and 2% answered “Other.” When the survey was given to Europeans, “Evergreens” ranked highest at 47%, “Santa Claus” came in at 43%, and “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” […]
During a press conference last Tuesday, United States President Donald Trump startled the audience by proposing to rename the Atlantic Ocean. “I’ve always believed,” Trump stated, “that it is manifestly unfair that only one country on this planet has an ocean named after it, and even more unfair that that country is India. In order […]
Catherine Sullivan, resident of Toledo, Ohio, has decided to celebrate Christmas 2027 in 2025. At The Flying News, we don’t usually get around to celebrating until December 25th, so we sent our roving reporter, Ryan Rocifero, to investigate this peculiar phenomenon. Catherine Sullivan: Around here, if you haven’t started celebrating Christmas by mid-November, you’re a […]
In the good old days, when airplane security was good, you could bring all kinds of gear on an airplane. Going hunting? Bring your gun. Fishing? Bring the harpoon. Camping? Bring a campfire. But nowadays, when the airports are filled with humourless old bobbies, you can barely get your toothpaste through. And believe me, those […]
Washington, D.C.: According to anonymous reports from an unnamed federal agency, two employees were disciplined for stealing office supplies from the public. Duane McDouglas, managing accountant at K Street Tax Services, told The Flying News: “we were a little surprised when these federal employees came to inspect our records last Tuesday, but we decided to […]
It has come to our attention, here at The Flying News, that, in addition to attempting to shake down Ukraine for mineral rights, the United States government has issued an official email officially requiring all employees to provide five things accomplished during the past week. We thought this would be amusing to do here at […]
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