Federal Employees Disciplined for Stealing Office Supplies

"Büroklammern -- 2021 -- 6481" by Dietmar Rabich. CC BY-SA 4.0 via Wikimedia Commons.

Washington, D.C.: According to anonymous reports from an unnamed federal agency, two employees were disciplined for stealing office supplies from the public. Duane McDouglas, managing accountant at K Street Tax Services, told The Flying News: “we were a little surprised when these federal employees came to inspect our records last Tuesday, but we decided to […]

Five or Ten Things I Accomplished Last Week

It has come to our attention, here at The Flying News, that, in addition to attempting to shake down Ukraine for mineral rights, the United States government has issued an official email officially requiring all employees to provide five things accomplished during the past week. We thought this would be amusing to do here at […]

Welcome to Middle-Age

It used to be, when I was out and about, the sound system would be playing music written before I was born. You know the kind of stuff: Queen Victoria’s Favorite Jams, Top Tunes from the Early Roman Empire, Hottest Hits from the Last Ice Age. But lately, some time last year, to be exact, […]

Confidential – Do NOT Read

A picture of a sign that says: Notice, Please do not leave stuff here. Etc. Thank You

Confidentiality Notice: This message is intended for the use of the individual or entity to which it is addressed, and may contain information that is PRIVILEGED and CONFIDENTIAL. If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that you are not authorised to read, print, retain, copy or disseminate this message, any part […]

Industrial Minuscule Reinvents Cubicle Calendars

A sticky note with New Year’s resolutions: Buy Calendar, Read Flying News, Brush Teeth, Wash Dishes

It’s that time of year again. The end of the year. Yes, the END is NIGH. You know what that means.1 You need a new calendar. Look no further. Industrial Minuscule™ has the calendar for you. And not just any calendar. This is an all-new line of calendars affectionately called Cubicle Calendars™, reinvented for the […]

I before E

Will Everyone Including Ronald Die?

As we learned in grammar school, “I before E except after C or when sounding like A as in neighbor or… weird?” So, in King’s English: When you are either ageing or fighting ageism with Alzheimers, you tend toward deified albeit counterfeit caffeines and proteins, and even codeine for a seizure. And while the height […]

New and Exclusive Uncensored Interview with Vim Vocifero

Some kind of flying bug on The Flying News.

Given the sheer volume of fan mail we’ve received over the last several months with questions, comments, and occasional insults, we thought it was time for an interview with Vim Vocifero, our fearless/half-hearted leader and Supreme Exponential Reinvigorating Assistant Sub-Editor in Chief, to give our readers a new and exclusive, uncensored, behind-the-scenes look at His […]