Is Homemade Candy on Your Holiday To-Do List? If So, Think Again

Everyone knows you can’t give out homemade Halloween candy. If you try to, it will be mysteriously injected with poison, and children will die.1 But most people don’t realise that the same applies to Christmas. Ever since the Dark Ages, that is, the 1950’s, strangers have been poisoning children. This is why children do not […]

How to Clean A Room

So you’ve read our previous article, “Organization for the Organized,” and you’ve mastered the basic organizational skill of list-making. Tremendous! You’ve accomplished something; you’re off to a good start. What’s next? Well, we can presume that you now have a few items on that list of yours. The chances are, as our diligent research indicates, […]

Organization for the Organized

So you’re already an organized person. Congratulations (you annoying snob). But now what? If, despite being organized, you want organizational advice, you find yourself at a loss. All the books purporting to give advice about this matter—and there are quite a few, as you know—were too obviously designed for the benefit of the jumbled, the […]

How to Grow Pickles

Pickles growing in a garden.

In “ye olden dayes,” everyone knew how to make their own pickles. These days, most people buy pickles from a grocer. But what you may not realise is that pickles are vegetables.1 And vegetables grow in gardens. Vegetable gardens, to be exact.2 Now you are probably asking, “But how does one grow a pickle?” And […]

A New Categorisation of Holidays

A philosopher from the Arctic Circle known as “Jonathan Tallyhoe” has begun a new line of research into the categorisation of cultural holidays and celebratory festivals. Mr. Tallyhoe, who does not hold any authentic PhD’s that we know of,1 claims he is the first to enter into such territory, while following “a time-tested Aristotelian method.” […]

The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Corporations Founded in NYC

New York, New York: Tired of witnessing the mute suffering and silent anguish, or, to put it more precisely, enraged and infuriated by the incessant incidences of abuse, mistreatment, and abominable neglect of corporations large and small, seven eminent businesspersons have taken decisive steps to “provide effective means for the prevention of cruelty to corporations […]

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