The Battle of El-Teb

Ye sons of Great Britain, I think no shame To write in praise of brave General Graham! Whose name will be handed down to posterity without any stigma, Because, at the battle of El-Teb, he defeated Osman Digna. With an army about five thousand strong, To El-Teb, in the year 1884, he marched along, And […]

Department of Defense to be Department of Offense

Field Marshal Marcel Hoffmann announced today that The United States Department of Defense1 will in the future be known as the Department of Offense: As George Washington said, “The best defense is a good offense.” And while, in modern America, we are committed to peace and no longer wage wars, we still want everyone to […]

Belarus to Issue Free Storage Units to Urban Residents

In an attempt to forestall any possibility of a revolution, the government of Belarus is planning to build climate-controlled storage facilities. Each urban resident will be provided with a large, free, and heavily armored storage unit. In order to encourage citizens to use their storage units, the government has placed large billboards in all major […]

The Necktie: Instrument of Destruction

The Origin of the Necktie1 Many years ago, I happened to glance at a book about inventions that changed history. It contained essays by different scholars (or I assume they were scholars—it was a long time ago, and I don’t even remember the name of the book), each arguing that some technology or other was […]

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