Time

Little Girl Refuses to Have Birthday, Stays Six Years Old

"Birthday13Slovakia1" by Jozef Kotulič - Own work. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Birthday13Slovakia1.JPG#mediaviewer/File:Birthday13Slovakia1.JPG: Modified.

Suzanne G. Corbett, of Dayton, OH, known to her friends as Suzie, recently refused to have a seventh birthday: I like being six years old, and my mommy says that when I’m seven, I’ll have to be a big girl and won’t be able to eat my mud pies anymore. This is, perhaps, a typical […]

How 1 Song Cost Me £Thousands$

Twenty Dollar Bill by John Haberle, 1890

Now, I may not live in “America,” but I think I’m pretty good at counting money, whether it’s in dollar bills, or pounds, shillings, pence, ha’pennies, farthings, etc, etc, etc. . . . (By the way, I still got me a few two bob bits, but the darned old curiosity shop in town won’t take […]

Scientist Discovers Technique for Freezing Time

Photo of Oak Clock from early 1900s.

Physicist Bob Johnson, Ph.D., recently published a new study1 on a technique for freezing time by means of objects commonly available to the public. Dr. Bob, as his friends call him, says he has found “this one neat trick” that could change life as we know it. “In the fast-paced, dog-eat-dog, cat-eat-mouse, tuna-eat-salmon world we […]

Extreme DST

Now that you’re beginning to recover from the rigors and discomforts of arising an hour earlier than any sane person would, you might be interested to hear about a group of people who take Daylight Savings Time seriously. Not just seriously: really, really seriously. This group, whose members, our inside sources reveal, call themselves the […]

Toledo Resident Celebrates Christmas 2018 in 2017

Catherine Sullivan, resident of Toledo, Ohio, has decided to celebrate Christmas 2018 in 2017. At The Flying News, we don’t usually get around to celebrating until December 24th, so we sent Ryan Rocifero to investigate this phenomenon. Catherine Sullivan: Around here, if you haven’t started celebrating Christmas by mid-November, you’re a loser. It used to […]

Instant, Personalised Thank You Letters

“Dear Reader [insert YOUR first name here], I am deeply grateful that you have continued to support The Flying News by reading this article and for the wonderful difference you have made in the last 3 minutes by clicking the link that brought you to this page. Once again, from the bottom of my bottomless […]

The Battle of El-Teb

Ye sons of Great Britain, I think no shame To write in praise of brave General Graham! Whose name will be handed down to posterity without any stigma, Because, at the battle of El-Teb, he defeated Osman Digna. With an army about five thousand strong, To El-Teb, in the year 1884, he marched along, And […]

Metric Units of Time

While the metric system has simplified calculations of distance, weight, and volume, units of time have, so far, remained outside of its sphere of influence. Instead of nice and tidy powers of ten, we have 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day, and 12 months in a […]

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