Sex

A Motorists Creed

Credo I believe in petroleum distillate. I believe that an expensive car enhances sexual fitness. That a car’s horsepower directly correlates to intelligence. That the larger your car is, the better you are. That if you pick your nose in your own car, nobody can see you. That I can drive safely while drunk, texting, […]

Cow-Shark Discovered on Exoplanet

Last Wednesday, astronomers made an astonishing accidental discovery while studying the atmospheric composition of the exoplanet Gliese 581 c. Their observations demonstrated with absolute certainty that the planet is inhabited by an animal which has come to be popularly known as the Cow-Shark. Cindy C. Carnell, a xenoethologist at the State University of Northern South […]

University To Require Notarized And Witnessed Consent

Concerned about concern over sexual assault, The State University of Northern South Dakota has unveiled a new policy designed to more clearly define, and thus greatly reduce the incidence of, sexual assault. The new law requires consent to any sexual activity to be notarized in the presence of two witnesses. Before having their consent forms […]

New Bed Sizes

The International Society for Democracy in the English Language (ISDIEL) recently called for mattress and bed frame makers to abandon the old sizing based on monarchical and aristocratic traditions. Instead of ‘King’, ‘Queen’, ‘Full’, and ‘Single’ or ‘Twin’, ISDIEL proposes standard sizes called ‘1N’, ‘2S’, ‘3W’, and ‘4H’.1 “Not only is the American practice of […]

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