Politics

President Obama Declares National Flying News Day

Last night, the President of the United States held an emergency press conference in the White House at which he officially designated January 19th as National Flying News Day. “No other news organization,” said President Obama, “has had the impact on the civic life of our nation that The Flying News has had. Not only […]

Proper Use of Gender-Neutral Pronouns

Onion head with big round eyes.

For all you grammaphones out there, here is a lesson on the correct use of gender-neutral pronouns. While some well-known, better-unmentioned anti-social networking websites use “they” and “them” as gender-neutral pronouns, everyone knows “they” and “them” are both plural, and therefore cannot be used for a single person, whether that person is a male, female, […]

How to Blow Up a Balloon

ducks celebrating the Boston Tea Party

As a prequel to our wildly popular article on How to Re-inflate Tennis Balls, we now look at how to blow up a balloon. This will be especially beneficial for our readers under the age of seven, but it will serve as a good “refresher” for our older readers, who will also learn some of […]

Declaration of Independence to Display Ads

It appears that the United States of America has a fairly large national debt. How large? Estimates place the figure somewhere in excess of eighteen trillion dollars. Since this debt is so large, we’ve been wondering, here in the central office of The Flying News, how we can get some of that money. At least, […]

Department of Defense to be Department of Offense

Field Marshal Marcel Hoffmann announced today that The United States Department of Defense1 will in the future be known as the Department of Offense: As George Washington said, “The best defense is a good offense.” And while, in modern America, we are committed to peace and no longer wage wars, we still want everyone to […]

Washington State Seeks Canadian-American Dual Citizenship

According to Colleen Q. Newquist, the State of Washington (U.S.A.) has approached Canada to inquire about the possibility of dual citizenship. According to Newquist: It’s not that we don’t like being part of America. But in the global economy, we want to keep our options open. We don’t see our American citizenship as something restrictive, […]

Yes, We Were Inspired by Beer

For some years now, a significant segment1 of the population of Columbus, Ohio has been firmly convinced that the logo of the Columbus Recreation and Parks Department (CRPD) represents a mug of beer with a large head of foam. As Michael Hartman says: “I see it every day, and every day it makes me think […]

President Obama named Woman of the Year

The orchid awarded to the Woman of the Year

The National Women’s Society voted this month to honor President Barack Obama as the 2014 Woman of the Year. This award, symbolized by a white and pink Phalaenopsis orchid, is the most prestigious and historic award granted by the National Women’s Society, dating back to the beginning of the 20th century and the women’s suffrage […]

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