Poetry

Slug

A frog in a tree.

No need to rhyme with a slug— Don’t be a bug under the rug, a tick who’ll tug. You feel snug but we all shrug, you’re just a bug. No need to rhyme with a slug— Don’t be a thug. That loot you lug makes you look smug; won’t last for long, They’ll take your […]

How to Win Any Argument

Studies show that the ordinary person engages in an argument approximately once every 1.20076 days (excluding Sundays and holidays, when arguments are more frequent). And how you go about arguing will determine whether, on the one hand, you end up feeling as if you have just demonstrated that your argumentative capacities are roughly equal to […]

Original Names for Girls

Purplish flowery things.

“A rose by any other name . . .” —Someoneorother It’s not easy to think of a good, original name. I mean, with almost 1000 years of the English language behind us, there just aren’t that many names that haven’t already been taken. But for those of you looking for a truly original feminine name, […]

Matilda

Who told Lies, and was Burned to Death Matilda told such Dreadful Lies, It made one Gasp and Stretch one’s Eyes; Her Aunt, who, from her Earliest Youth, Had kept a Strict Regard for Truth, Attempted to Believe Matilda: The effort very nearly killed her, And would have done so, had not She Discovered this […]

The Tay Bridge Disaster

Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay! Alas! I am very sorry to say That ninety lives have been taken away On the last Sabbath day of 1879, Which will be remember’d for a very long time. ’Twas about seven o’clock at night, And the wind it blew with all its might, And the rain […]

Secrets of the Ancients: Why Chaucer Couldn’t Spell

What thought, dear reader, flits first across the surface of your mind when you find yourself in the presence of such words as these: Hir coverchiefs ful fyne weren of ground; I dorste swere they weyeden ten pound That on a Sonday weren upon hir heed. Hir hosen weren of fyn scarlet reed, Ful streite […]

The Burial of the Rev. George Gilfillan

On the Gilfillan burial day, In the Hill o’ Balgay, It was a most solemn sight to see, Not fewer than thirty thousand people assembled in Dundee, All watching the funeral procession of Gilfillan that day, That death had suddenly taken away, And was going to be buried in the Hill o’ Balgay. There were […]

The Python

The Python     A Python I should not advise,— It needs a doctor for its eyes, And has the measles yearly.       However, if you feel inclined To get one (to improve your mind, And not from fashion merely),     Allow no music near its cage; And when it flies into […]

© 1915-2017, The Flying News. Not tested on animals. Frontier Theme