No need to rhyme with a slug— Don’t be a bug under the rug, a tick who’ll tug. You feel snug but we all shrug, you’re just a bug. No need to rhyme with a slug— Don’t be a thug. That loot you lug makes you look smug; won’t last for long, They’ll take your […]
Poetry
How to Win Any Argument
Studies show that the ordinary person engages in an argument approximately once every 1.20076 days (excluding Sundays and holidays, when arguments are more frequent). And how you go about arguing will determine whether, on the one hand, you end up feeling as if you have just demonstrated that your argumentative capacities are roughly equal to […]
Original Names for Girls
Matilda
Who told Lies, and was Burned to Death Matilda told such Dreadful Lies, It made one Gasp and Stretch one’s Eyes; Her Aunt, who, from her Earliest Youth, Had kept a Strict Regard for Truth, Attempted to Believe Matilda: The effort very nearly killed her, And would have done so, had not She Discovered this […]
The Tay Bridge Disaster
Secrets of the Ancients: Why Chaucer Couldn’t Spell
What thought, dear reader, flits first across the surface of your mind when you find yourself in the presence of such words as these: Hir coverchiefs ful fyne weren of ground; I dorste swere they weyeden ten pound That on a Sonday weren upon hir heed. Hir hosen weren of fyn scarlet reed, Ful streite […]
The Burial of the Rev. George Gilfillan
On the Gilfillan burial day, In the Hill o’ Balgay, It was a most solemn sight to see, Not fewer than thirty thousand people assembled in Dundee, All watching the funeral procession of Gilfillan that day, That death had suddenly taken away, And was going to be buried in the Hill o’ Balgay. There were […]