Murder

A Typical, Everyday Ethical Dilemma

Stop sign for the hearing impaired.

Since I consider myself a bit of an amateur philosopher1 (even if of above average intelligence—that is, above the average intelligence of the average amateur philosopher), today I’d like to introduce you to a hearty helping of good, sound, amateur philosophy. For now, we shall cover just the basics, dear Watson: an everyday scenario that […]

Toilet Troubles

A strange toilet situation.

Yesterday afternoon, I came home to find my toilet out of place. It was still in the bathroom, but not where I had left it. It was turned around backwards, off the drainage flange, scooted up close to the bath tub as if it were getting ready to draw a warm bath. Rather than jumping […]

History of Soccer

While it is widely believed that the origins of soccer lie in the British Isles,1 new research by xenobiologist Tot Tibor reveals that this is almost certainly not the case. Ancient records indicate that the game was introduced into North America by extraterrestrials, with the first match reportedly played on the current site of the […]

First True AI Crashes Entire Internet

While Alan Turing’s famous test was passed for the first time on June 7th, by a computer that convinced one-third of the human judges that it was a thirteen-year-old boy from Ukraine, nobody is taking this seriously as an example of real artificial intelligence.1 At best, the software was a somewhat successful imitation. Less widely […]

Murder of a Telephone Personality

By Andy Dingley (scanner) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.

While using the automated telephone service at the First Northbrook Bank, Herbert Barnes was the witness of the cruel murder of the telephone personality who was listing his latest transactions: It was brutal, truly brutal. One minute, the female voice is listing debits and deposits, then suddenly she breaks off in the middle of an […]

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