Money

A Scientific Guide to Doughnuts

When you enter your local doughnut shop, what do you feel? Do you experience confusion? Disorientation? A troubling inability to quickly and efficiently choose the absolutely perfect doughnut? A recent poll1 strongly suggests that such symptoms, collectively known as Doughnut Disorientation Syndrome (DDS), occur in approximately 27.500023 %± 8% of the population at large, both […]

Parents Bill Teacher for Child’s Cavities

Ludington, Wisconsin: When Amy Whatley, aged six, came home from the dentist with fourteen cavities, her parents sent the bill to the kindergarten teacher, Ms. Holzman. Amy’s mother, Louisa Whatley, explained that: For a girl who has never in her life had even one cavity to come home all of a sudden with fourteen cavities? […]

Declaration of Independence to Display Ads

It appears that the United States of America has a fairly large national debt. How large? Estimates place the figure somewhere in excess of eighteen trillion dollars. Since this debt is so large, we’ve been wondering, here in the central office of The Flying News, how we can get some of that money. At least, […]

Charles Augustus Fortescue

Charles Augustus Fortescue Who Always Did what was Right, and so Accumulated an Immense Fortune The nicest child I ever knew Was Charles Augustus Fortescue. He never lost his cap, or tore His stockings or his pinafore: In eating Bread he made no Crumbs, He was extremely fond of sums, To which, however, he preferred […]

Robber Blamed for Motorists’ Collision

When George M. McCloskey held up a convenience store with a banana, he had no idea that he would be sued for causing a massive, three-car collision. Late one night, McCloskey entered a convenience store in Grove City, Ohio. He stuck a banana into the small of the clerk’s back, demanding “Your money or your […]

Holiday Returns App

Returning gifts can make the first few days of Christmas almost as busy as the last few days before Christmas. But do you ever wonder whether those gifts you chose with so much care and thought were really as appreciated as their recipients told you they were? After all, even if someone tells you that […]

Forever Dollar to Enter U.S. Currency

Forever Dollar design

Following on the popularity of the Forever Stamp sold by the United States Postal Service, the United States Treasury announced that it will introduce the “Forever Dollar” into the American currency system. Like the stamps which can be used for first class letter postage both now and in eternity, the Forever Dollar will be immune […]

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