Linguistics

New York Newspaper No Longer To Use Four Letter Words

In a landmark blow for linguistic and orthographic equality, a famous New York newspaper has made the decision to eliminate all words of four letters. “For a long time now,” says director of publicity and propaganda Bob Brzezinszki, “we have illegitimately discriminated against a small group of four letter words, to the point of excluding […]

Grammar: A Manifesto

There is really no excuse for incorrect grammar. Perhaps Chaucer might have been able to get away with saying things like Oure Hooste lough, and swoor, “So moot I gon, This gooth aright; unbokeled is the male, Lat se now who shal telle another tale, For trewely the game is wel bigonne, by claiming that […]

New FDA Rules to Limit Use of Adjectives

Do you enjoy free-range, grass-fed, boneless, skinless, additive-free, organic, all-natural, extra-virgin margarine? Or are you addicted to expeller-pressed, unrefined, unhomogenized steak? If so, stock up on these products now, as FDA regulations taking effect next month will make these, and many other, foods impossible to obtain (at least legally). The new FDA regulations occur in […]

Illiterate Man Caught Speaking in Palindromes

An illiterate man living under a bridge in the City of Angels, who identifies himself simply as “L.A. Al,”1 has been caught speaking in palindromes by locals and observant passers-by. This is causing quite a stir, as some find it amusing, others outrageous or even downright rude. For example, when a tourist couple asked him […]

Swedish Heavy Metal Group Sings Virgil, in Latin

Inside sources report that Swedish heavy metal group Svart Död is preparing a new concert tour highlighting performances of Virgil’s Aeneid in Latin. Lead singer Lukas Bergström explains that: While heavy metal typically appeals to a fairly restricted demographic, classic Latin poetry has a much wider audience. We hope to broaden the appeal of heavy […]

A Manifesto on Censorship

Friends, Enemies, Readers of The Flying News wherever you may be, for too long now a little noticed, but very grave, practice has been disfiguring our public life. To what do I refer? Well, let me tell you the story of how I came to be aware of this menace to civilization. As Heraclitus said, […]

Vandals Deface Public Monument, Correct Grammatical Mistake

Columbus, OH: The John W. Galbreath Bicentennial Park includes fountains, pedestrian and cyclist trails, a restaurant, a sound stage, and what someone must have found to be a very irksome grammatical error. Park authorities reported to the police that, sometime between the hours of 2:17 and 4:29 Tuesday morning, vandals defaced the dedicatory plaque located […]

The Imp rtance f the Letter ” “

Alphabet with missing letter

Objection 1: It would seem that the Letter “O” is unnecessary in the English language, or perhaps, for that matter, any language. It is neither one of the most common vowels nor does it take any effort to pronounce. In fact, it is often used for useless expressions of grumbling and complaint. Therefore, it must not […]

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