Humour

Slug

A frog in a tree.

No need to rhyme with a slug— Don’t be a bug under the rug, a tick who’ll tug. You feel snug but we all shrug, you’re just a bug. No need to rhyme with a slug— Don’t be a thug. That loot you lug makes you look smug; won’t last for long, They’ll take your […]

Camouflage for the Office

A new line of clothing by OfficeWear Max promises to improve your workday, reduce stress, and free up lots of time. The company, an off-shoot of Military Uniforms United, recently introduced a line of camouflaging office attire. Marketing director Sarah Woolard of OfficeWear Max stated, “Our new line of camouflage will help you blend right […]

Folger Shakespeare Library Closing Down

A number of old books and some writing instruments.

Rumour has it that the Folger Shakespeare Library in Washington, D.C. (USA) is preparing to close its doors—shut down—for good.1 The American people can thank a savvy young intern, barely out of university, who recently discovered a clever money-saving technique that somehow slipped by all previous librarians. So what is this discovery which makes the […]

Recent Letters to the Editor

A prestigous honour for The Flying News

Here at The Flying News Headquarters, we’re hard pressed to keep up with all the mail we receive. But once in a while, we try to answer a few of the questions people ask us, even if they’re mostly stupid questions. After all, we truly value our readers . . . and their pets. Hopefully […]

Book Review: Welcome to the Internet

Man 1: Read any good books lately?

Redmund, Ronald. Welcome to the Internet: Just When You Thought There Were Too Many Books to Read in a Lifetime. Electropop Books, Ltd., 1992. 233 pp., £19.92 (Hardcover). The newest book from Electropop Books, Ltd., Ronald Redmund’s 1992 Welcome to the Internet: Just When You Thought There Were Too Many Books to Read in a […]

FLYING NEWS EMERGENCY NOTICE

TO ALL FLYING NEWS PERSONNEL, BOTH NECESSARY AND ANCILLARY (INCLUDING VIM): This is an emergency. All Personnel report to the front office immediately.1 Don’t Panic! Run, do not walk. Wear slip-resistant shoes. Remove all jewellery and loose clothing. Deposit jewellery with the burglar at the second floor fire escape. Proceed with caution to the third […]

A Few Verses for Bakers

A four-tier wedding cake, looks like chocolate and coconut flavour.

If you like baking, here are some suave, romantic verses of poetry to use on a sweet, plump, little cutie-pie, if one should come your way. Roses are red Violets are blue Sugar is cheap and so are you. Roses are red Violets are blue Butter is fat and so are you. Roses are red […]

A Tiger and a Killer Bee whose Home was a Cedar

A cat flying with a honeybee under a palm tree in the sunshine.

Once upon a time, there was a tall, majestic Cedar. Except it wasn’t really a cedar, and it wasn’t really very tall or majestic; it was more of a middle-sized palm tree. But this palm tree was named Cedar. Under this palm tree named Cedar lived a ferocious Tiger. Except it was not so much […]

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