Holidays

A New Categorisation of Holidays

A philosopher from the Arctic Circle known as “Jonathan Tallyhoe” has begun a new line of research into the categorisation of cultural holidays and celebratory festivals. Mr. Tallyhoe, who does not hold any authentic PhD’s that we know of,1 claims he is the first to enter into such territory, while following “a time-tested Aristotelian method.” […]

New Year’s Day

A really tasty-looking three-layer cake!

If you read this before 6 A.M. on New Year’s Day, you’re probably a) up too late, and b) apparently tired of talking to all the people with whom you spent the last few hours. Why not just go to sleep? After all, nothing changes on New Year’s Day. Oh, yes, you might have to […]

Christmas Parties Take Their Toll

Dead man on couch.

Three weeks before Christmas, on 4 December, Mr. Edgar Rolton was pronounced dead after suddenly collapsing at the very end of a festive holiday party. Several friends tried to resuscitate the man, aged 45, while his wife (widow) looked on in utter grief. Paramedics arrived shortly thereafter but even they failed to resuscitate him. The […]

Pie Making Comeback

Still Life with Pie, Silver Ewer and Crab by Willem Claeszoon Heda (1658).

While you can’t “have your cake and eat it too,” you can “have your piece of the pie” if you walk into almost any bakery or grocery. In fact, pie is making a comeback, as many people now see cake as a thing of the past, a boring, leftover, stale remnant of the latter half […]

President Obama Declares National Flying News Day

Last night, the President of the United States held an emergency press conference in the White House at which he officially designated January 19th as National Flying News Day. “No other news organization,” said President Obama, “has had the impact on the civic life of our nation that The Flying News has had. Not only […]

Recycled Greeting Cards

Redupe, Recuse, Rebicycle

These days, everything is made from recycled materials: cardboard boxes, toilet paper, houses, used cars, used car salesmen, and a whole host of other everyday items. In fact, while perusing the greeting card aisle in the grocery store lately, I happened upon a rack of recycled greeting cards. Now, you may be thinking, what’s so […]

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