Health

New Supermarket Scam

Shoppers Beware! A new scam may have already come to a supermarket near you. In many stores in our country, whole milk, low-fat milk, and skim milk sell for the same price. Cream, however, is much more expensive. It has come to our ever attentive ears that organized crime has developed an ingenious way to […]

Christmas Parties Take Their Toll

Dead man on couch.

Three weeks before Christmas, on 4 December, Mr. Edgar Rolton was pronounced dead after suddenly collapsing at the very end of a festive holiday party. Several friends tried to resuscitate the man, aged 45, while his wife (widow) looked on in utter grief. Paramedics arrived shortly thereafter but even they failed to resuscitate him. The […]

Indigestion Awareness Month Awareness Notice

To increase awareness of Indigestion Awareness Month, which begins today, we will share some interesting factoids with you, our dear and trustworthy readers. First: Indigestion Awareness Month begins today. It does not coincide with a calendar month, but rather begins on the date on which, in 1944, Winston Churchill became acutely aware of the problem […]

After Recount, The Real Winner of the 2016 Election Is . . .

RONALD MCDONALD! Voters and politicians everywhere were shocked, stunned, and speechless as the results of the recount were announced last night. Even those who insisted that the initial election count could not possibly be accurate were not expecting this result. But, as one thoughtful voter from Florida remarked, Really, this is a better result than […]

FBI Recommends Doughnuts for Breakfast

In yet another interesting move by a more or less self-regulated department of American government, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) issued its Official Breakfast Recommendation (OBR) last Sunday, when they ought to have been home for the weekend. The OBR states that, “in order to keep Americans Fat, Dumb, and Happy (FD&H)”, the FBI […]

Mental Institution Escapee Evades Capture With Bluetooth

This week, an Arkansas (U.S.A.) man was returned to the North Arkansas Mental Institute (NAMI), from which he had escaped approximately six months previously. Despite efforts to return him to NAMI, and even though he spent most of the past six months in public places talking to himself, he managed to evade being detected by […]

Affordable Care Act Requires Flossing Twice a Day

Some old document.

A Harvard law student recently discovered a section of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, hitherto unknown, which requires all Americans over the age of 14 to floss twice a day. While working on his PhD dissertation, which covers only a portion of the some four million pages of the health care law, Samuel […]

Man In Serious Condition After Attack By Hacked Toothbrush

Having your doughnut maker, your wedding ring, and your toothbrush connected to the internet seems like a really great idea—until a hacker gets involved. When he bought it, Merle Smith, of Lansing, MI, thought the idea of a toothbrush that reminds you to charge it, coaches you on brushing techniques, and shows you targeted advertisements […]

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