Food

Puns & Butter: A Half-Act Play

Granola, orange juice, and squash. Part of a complete breakfast.

The scene: A breakfast table, finely set. Two unknown figures seated at either end. Both speak in King’s English. A: Please pass the puns. B: The what? A: The puns. The puns and butter. I’d like some puns and butter. B: Well, if that’s what you want. [B passes something to A, which looks rather […]

McDonald’s Introduces New Forever Cheeseburger

Just this morning, McDonald’s Grand International Director of Global-Marketing and Fast-Food Chemistry, Wendy B. K. LeRoy, announced an exciting and ingenious new product offering: the Forever Cheeseburger! This innovation, which follows in the wake of the Post Office’s popular Forever Stamps and the Treasury’s Forever Dollar, will, it is hoped1, increase sales of cheeseburgers and […]

Pie Making Comeback

Still Life with Pie, Silver Ewer and Crab by Willem Claeszoon Heda (1658).

While you can’t “have your cake and eat it too,” you can “have your piece of the pie” if you walk into almost any bakery or grocery. In fact, pie is making a comeback, as many people now see cake as a thing of the past, a boring, leftover, stale remnant of the latter half […]

Cake

A really tasty-looking three-layer cake!

Hey, mates, who ate the last piece of cake? More News: How to Make a Salmon Cake Recipe: Cocoa Chaos Commercial Interests Sieze Control of GPS Things to Do When You’re Bored

Under-the-Table Covers

You probably use a tablecloth, at least for formal or festive meals. But you may have made a very serious oversight if you have not considered how important it is to cover, not just the table, but the underside of the table. Take a look right now. Do you see what I see? That’s right: […]

Foodless Meals Grow in Popularity (and in Household Gardens)

A beautiful foodless meal.

While some unmentionable parts of the world are experiencing an explosion (no pun intended) of obesity, other unmentionable parts of the world (France) have continued to cut back the amount of food served on a plate, which looks fancy and slims down the population at the same time. The introduction of the novel—not a book—”Foodless […]

Square Files Protest With International Steak Naming Association

The square has officially filed a protest with the International Steak Naming Association (ISNA), calling the fact that there is no square steak a “grave injustice.” Rumors allege that the square initially attempted to convince the pentagon to join it in protesting. The pentagon, reportedly, was content with “enjoying exalted status in the worlds of […]

Conversation Hearts Factory Infiltrated by Aliens

Conversation hearts showing one in alien language.

Ryan Rocifero has been studying conversation hearts ever since Valentine’s Day, searching for evidence of intelligent life. At last, after two months, two days, four hours, thirty-seven minutes, and twenty seconds (give or take a few), he found the one shown at lower right in this photograph, which suggests that, not only is there intelligent […]

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