Food

Bean Soup: An Adventure in Cooking

Not so very long ago . . . I was hungry. Very hungry. So hungry that I thought I had better make myself some bean soup. But then, I found myself faced with a difficult, although—as events proved—not insoluble, problem: I was out of beans. But, as luck would have it, I happened to recall […]

Introducing the Metric Dozen

10 eggs in a carton

Egg sellers around the world will soon be peddling their produce in metric. After centuries of following the misguided (albeit traditional) ‘twelvic’ system, in which eggs were sold by the ‘dozen’, they are finally falling in line with the rest of the modern world1, and will begin selling eggs by the Metric Dozen. Rather than […]

Puns & Butter: A Half-Act Play

Granola, orange juice, and squash. Part of a complete breakfast.

The scene: A breakfast table, finely set. Two unknown figures seated at either end. Both speak in King’s English. A: Please pass the puns. B: The what? A: The puns. The puns and butter. I’d like some puns and butter. B: Well, if that’s what you want. [B passes something to A, which looks rather […]

McDonald’s Introduces New Forever Cheeseburger

Just this morning, McDonald’s Grand International Director of Global-Marketing and Fast-Food Chemistry, Wendy B. K. LeRoy, announced an exciting and ingenious new product offering: the Forever Cheeseburger! This innovation, which follows in the wake of the Post Office’s popular Forever Stamps and the Treasury’s Forever Dollar, will, it is hoped1, increase sales of cheeseburgers and […]

Pie Making Comeback

Still Life with Pie, Silver Ewer and Crab by Willem Claeszoon Heda (1658).

While you can’t “have your cake and eat it too,” you can “have your piece of the pie” if you walk into almost any bakery or grocery. In fact, pie is making a comeback, as many people now see cake as a thing of the past, a boring, leftover, stale remnant of the latter half […]

Cake

A really tasty-looking three-layer cake!

Hey, mates, who ate the last piece of cake? More News: How to Make a Salmon Cake Recipe: Cocoa Chaos Commercial Interests Sieze Control of GPS Things to Do When You’re Bored

Under-the-Table Covers

You probably use a tablecloth, at least for formal or festive meals. But you may have made a very serious oversight if you have not considered how important it is to cover, not just the table, but the underside of the table. Take a look right now. Do you see what I see? That’s right: […]

Foodless Meals Grow in Popularity (and in Household Gardens)

A beautiful foodless meal.

While some unmentionable parts of the world are experiencing an explosion (no pun intended) of obesity, other unmentionable parts of the world (France) have continued to cut back the amount of food served on a plate, which looks fancy and slims down the population at the same time. The introduction of the novel—not a book—”Foodless […]

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