Evolution

Science

President of Latvia Names New Species of Bird

Plesiga Pundurvista

Latvian President Andris Bērziņš announced the name of a new species of bird just introduced in his country. The species was developed by ornithologist Jānis Ozols (pronounced “Yonniss Wozzles”) at Bauska University, with the support of the Latvian government. Last Sunday, the president appeared on national television to, in his words, “Welcome our new national bird: […]

History of Soccer

While it is widely believed that the origins of soccer lie in the British Isles,1 new research by xenobiologist Tot Tibor reveals that this is almost certainly not the case. Ancient records indicate that the game was introduced into North America by extraterrestrials, with the first match reportedly played on the current site of the […]

Geometry and Evolutionary Biology

Photo by Lynn Locifero, © The Flying News, 2014.

Statisticians have known of the strong positive correlation between interest in geometry and number of descendents for more than thirty years. Until recently, no one had proposed any explanation for this curious fact. A recent study by Nikolaj S. Henriksen of Louisiana University suggests that the correlation is causal, that is, studying geometry makes one […]

The Society for a Fat America

Public domain image, "Die dick seyllerin," available at http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Die_dick_seyllerin.jpeg#mediaviewer/File:Die_dick_seyllerin.jpeg.

Many of the causes of obesity are accidental and unintentional. Manufacturers of Sweetsy-Sodsy™, Calo-Pops™, and Super-Sugary-Pastry™ don’t sit in their top-secret labs plotting to make you fat. They may or may not be culpable of negligence and lack of conscience, but they don’t particularly want to make you fat—as long as you buy their products […]

Advice for Frustrated Parents

Are you a frustrated parent?

Are you a parent? If so, are you frustrated? If so, have we got some advice for you. And believe me, our parenting advice is outstanding beyond compare. Only last month, after reading our first ever parenting column, Giovanna Lombardo wrote to us to say “My life has been transformed. Ever since I read your […]

Trans-Fats: Out—Chrome-Plating: In

There have been some significant changes in the American diet lately, and while trans-fats have received a lot of attention, less notice has been taken of the proliferation of metal based foods, which seems linked to recent increases in metallophagy. Cookies, Cakes, Pastries, and Tarts with a high metal content, or even made entirely out […]

Heavy Metal was just the Thin End of the Wedge

When the late Michel Lotito became known for eating bicycles, airplanes, and chandeliers, his metallophagy was regarded as a remarkable curiosity, but nothing more. Recent developments, however, suggest that he was merely one of the first examples of the next stage of human evolution. It is now estimated that metallophagy is increasing by 2.75654% each […]

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