Drink

Things to Do in a Dentist’s Waiting Room

Have you ever found yourself sitting in a dentist’s waiting room, wondering how to pass the time while listening idly to the gentle sounds of the office: the soft whine of the drill, the subtle rattle of the bone saw, and the other patients’ muted screams of agony? If you have encountered this quandary, if […]

How to Influence People

At The Flying News, we have a fairly significant body of experience trying to influence people. Most of this experience has been obtained by attempting to convince merchants to provide us with free doughnuts, and even though we have always failed in our attempts, we feel prepared to give (possibly) helpful advice on this moderately […]

G. K. Chesterton on Beer

It is now an established fact that all human motive and action is due to Beer; not merely among adults but also among children. The whole life of a child (of either sex) is actuated by Beer. The first action of which a child is capable is a lusty yell; we have established that this […]

Holiday Uncheer©

Cheer, as everyone knows, can mean (among various other meanings that I am not interested in discussing today) three distinct things: (1) A feeling of gaiety, mirth, or cheerfulness;1 (2) A loud shout or acclamation expressing applause, joy, enthusiasm, cheer (1), or approbation; and (3) Alcoholic beverages of all kinds, particularly those set forth to […]

Product Review: Boss-Mode Hammock

Does your work interfere with your relaxation? Do you find yourself sitting at a desk when you’d rather be reclining? Technology hasn’t yet enabled you to be in your office working at the same time that you’re at the beach surfing, but all the same, the Boss-Mode Hammock is a major advance in the possibilities […]

New Lower Calorie Food

With the current focus on waistline management strategies, Ultimate Universal Technology Corporation (UUTC) has introduced a new line of low and no calorie foods called Minimal Natural™. Their first two products include a drink called Pura™, a ‘soda’ featuring only two ingredients, water and carbon dioxide, and a snack bar called Néant™, which has no […]

A Motorists Creed

Credo I believe in petroleum distillate. I believe that an expensive car enhances sexual fitness. That a car’s horsepower directly correlates to intelligence. That the larger your car is, the better you are. That if you pick your nose in your own car, nobody can see you. That I can drive safely while drunk, texting, […]

Repurposing: Wine Storage

Do you like wine? If you do, you may wonder where best to store your wine. There are, of course, a lot of boring commercial options—wine barrels, wine racks, and wine coolers. But if you don’t really like these options, if you prefer something original and exciting, then stay tuned . . . (Noise and […]

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