Death

Obituary for Matthew Arnold Lionel “Sonny” Reynolds, Jr. III

Matthew Arnold Lionel “Sonny” Reynolds, Jr. III, of Smallchester, England died at age 73, at home on his deathbed, on Saturday, 6 February, 2016. The cause is unknown, but it was apparently a good cause, because he has received many gifts in his favour since. Sonny enjoyed long walks on the beach, alcohol, and women. […]

Jim

Who ran away from his Nurse, and was eaten by a Lion. There was a Boy whose name was Jim; His Friends were very good to him. They gave him Tea, and Cakes, and Jam, And slices of delicious Ham, And Chocolate with pink inside, And little Tricycles to ride, And               read him Stories through […]

The Zombie in My Room

Modern Life™ has never been more dangerous than at present. Not only do we suffer from all the ordinary dangers which have plagued the human race for millenia—disease, accident, invading Persians, hungry Tyrannosauri—but we now have at least fourteen utterly new kinds of hazards, each one completely without precedent. I am not here thinking primarily […]

Most Common Deadly Illnesses

Pie chart showing % of deaths by sickness.

Do you ever ask yourself the question, “Am I still ill?” Well, even if you don’t, you might be interested in knowing how many other people are dying of various illnesses. And even if you aren’t, you might be inclined to read about it. But even if you weren’t, we still want to write about […]

Scientists Detect the End of the World

You may, possibly, have heard rumors that, according to the Mayan—or perhaps the Egyptian or Babylonian—calendar, the world was to have ended a couple of years ago. You may also have concluded that these claims, predictions, or whatever-you-want-to-call-them were probably false. After all, the supply of beer hasn’t given out, interests rates have stayed low, […]

The Battle of El-Teb

Ye sons of Great Britain, I think no shame To write in praise of brave General Graham! Whose name will be handed down to posterity without any stigma, Because, at the battle of El-Teb, he defeated Osman Digna. With an army about five thousand strong, To El-Teb, in the year 1884, he marched along, And […]

MAA Defines Terminal Illness

In a formal proclamation yesterday, the Medical Association of America (MAA) officially announced a new definition of terminal illness. This new definition states that ‘Terminal illness’ shall be hereafter defined as any condition, state, or way of being which is certain to be followed by death after any definite or indefinite period of time. Tiffany […]

Pete the Snowman (a limerick)

Triplane image based on a public domain image by Dryke, available at http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Tripe_silhouette.PNG.

There one was a snowman named Pete who inexplicably didn’t have feet; first he stood all day long, then he ran in the sun, and was chased away clear by the heat. More News: The Ironsmith (a limerick) The Man Who Drank Beer (a limerick) The Lighthearted Dude (a limerick) Pickled Watermelon Rind (a limerick)

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