Car

Turkeys Invade Ohio Suburb

An alert reader recently communicated the following excerpt from a local news-publication: A Westerville [Ohio] caller reported that several turkeys were disrupting traffic by chasing cars in the roadway. . . . When police arrived, the turkeys had left the area.1 Ever eager to find out the real truth behind what passes for news these […]

Reverse Advertising

I started to become aware of this new kind of advertising when a truck featuring a prominent bumper sticker pulled in front of me and slammed on its brakes.1 “Well,” I said to myself, “I’m never going to McDonald’s again.” It was only later, when I happened to discuss the incident with a fellow sufferer […]

Man Sues State of South Carolina for Speciesism

A couple of years back, the Massachusetts Supreme Court heard the case of Jane Doe v. State of Massachusetts, in which a woman who had been ticketed for HOV lane violation successfully maintained that the company of her three dogs made her car a high occupancy vehicle and that any claims to the contrary were […]

United States Supreme Court Rules Driving Barefoot Unconstitutional

Ever since the United States of America began its rebellion from the Mother Country, new and unusual legal quandaries have popped up in every facet of their, the Americans’, so-called laws, which could have been solved easily by the Royal Authority putting the Royal Foot down. A good example of this is the recent ruling […]

The Zombie in My Room

Modern Life™ has never been more dangerous than at present. Not only do we suffer from all the ordinary dangers which have plagued the human race for millenia—disease, accident, invading Persians, hungry Tyrannosauri—but we now have at least fourteen utterly new kinds of hazards, each one completely without precedent. I am not here thinking primarily […]

Commercial Interests Sieze Control of GPS

Beaverton, OR: Local resident Julie Pike was driving home from work this past Friday, when she realized she had just parked her car in the parking lot of a local Big Buy store. Not only had she just parked in front of Big Buy, but she was in the very act of leaving her car […]

A New Way to Reserve Your Parking Space

Have you ever, when running late for an appointment, wished that there was some way you could make sure that a parking space was ready when you arrived at your destination? Have you ever, in moments of frustration, idly daydreamed about moving parked cars out of your space with a forklift? Frustration Free, Inc. has […]

New Fords May Require Gluten-Free Gasoline

Last week, Ford™ announced that, starting next year, select vehicle models will require gluten-free gasoline. This announcement has caused a significant amount of concern for motorists, many of whom fear that gluten-free gasoline may prove expensive or hard to obtain. Nicholas Cunniff, a spokesman for the American Association of Medical Mechanics, has publicly criticized Ford’s […]

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