Biology

FDA Approves “Vegan Cows”

In a breakthrough of advanced biotechnology and cunning marketing, Amalgamated Universal Biotech Inc. (AUBI) announced that its Vegan Cow has now been approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). AUBI claims that its new product, secretly developed in Hidden Underground Research Labs (HURL), is 100% plant based and suitable for vegan consumption. This news […]

Identifying Trees

Have you ever been walking through the woods, minding your own business, when suddenly—and altogether without warning—you find that you are in the presence of one of those people who can identify trees? A harrowing experience, to be sure. But perhaps, God knows why, you feel the unfathomable, slightly perverse, desire to learn to identify […]

Transgendered Marijuana

Gender Equality for Weed Your typical plant has two sexes (male and female), and marijuana, Cannabis sativa,1 is no exception. For most plants, this simple biological fact isn’t a big deal, but it just so happens that in the case of marijuana, there is a definite prejudice in favor of the female sex. The explanation […]

The Vulture

The Vulture eats between his meals, And that’s the reason why As well as you or I He very, very rarely feels As well as you and I. His eye is dull, his head is bald, His neck is growing thinner. Oh! what a lesson for us all To only eat at dinner! Pictures by […]

Baby Doughnuts

Have you ever wondered where doughnuts come from? The doughnut shop, of course. But all joking aside, while it is widely believed that doughnuts grow on trees, the journalistic staff of The Flying News thought it would be fun and exciting to figure out where doughnuts really come from. This was no easy task: the […]

Scientists Discover that Humans Have Toes

One of the highlights of this week’s International Conference of the International Union of International Human Phalangology, Midwest Division was a paper called “Confirmation of the Prevalence of Podiatric Phalanges in Homo sapiens: Humans Usually Have Toes.” Scientists at the State University of Northern South Dakota reported the findings of an extensive, multi-year study of […]

The Famous Tay Whale

‘Twas in the month of December, and in the year 1883, That a monster whale came to Dundee, Resolved for a few days to sport and play, And devour the small fishes in the silvery Tay. So the monster whale did sport and play Among the innocent little fishes in the beautiful Tay, Until he […]

Cow-Shark Discovered on Exoplanet

Last Wednesday, astronomers made an astonishing accidental discovery while studying the atmospheric composition of the exoplanet Gliese 581 c. Their observations demonstrated with absolute certainty that the planet is inhabited by an animal which has come to be popularly known as the Cow-Shark. Cindy C. Carnell, a xenoethologist at the State University of Northern South […]