Astrology

Horoscope Contest!

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Horoscopes – and a Contest! Do you like free fortune tellings? Do you like free bumper stickers? If you answered YES to these and other questions, then, boy, have we got a deal for you! To celebrate the almost-anniversary of our twenty-somethingth anniversary, we are prepared to give away three (that’s 3!) free bumper stickers! […]

Horoscopes for the Bactrian

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Aries: Your life blows by like the wind in a hurricane. But don’t worry, eventually it will end. Taurus: Ride around on your bike, fall down, scrape an elbow, get back up, repeat. Gemini: Sometimes you just don’t know if your life is worth living. And then you read your horoscope, and you realise, everything’s […]

Horoscopes for the Superstitious

Two awards are better than one!

Aries: You will receive an unwelcome visitor, most likely arriving by air. Taurus: In the dead of night, if you’re not asleep, you should be. Gemini: Your future is entirely unpredictable. Cancer: Yes, still sick. Try radiation. Lego: Traumatic brain injury foils your plans for afternoon tea. But there’s always tomorrow. Virgo: To save money […]

Horoscopes for the Improper

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Aries: If you read your horoscope today, it won’t come true. Taurus: If you read Aries’ horoscope today, it won’t come true. Gemini: You’d rather be building a spacecraft. Cancer: Start working on your bucket list. Leo: Oel. Virgo: River deep, mountain high. Libra: Tip the scales, see what happens. Scrappy-o: A bit of a […]

Horoscopes for the Unemployed

A white triplane flying in a rarely seen reddish-blue cloud formation.

Aries: πr2 Taurus: Ford, 2001, a little rickety, but still drives. Gemini: Everything looks a little greenish to you. Then you realise it’s the emerald you’re wearing like a monocle. Cancer: Chronic illness, cause uncertain, might well kill ya. Leo: Remember the bloke with the blue bandana? He’s still out to get you. Virgo: Hopeless. […]

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