Advice

Bane in the Olitory?

A Narrative of Personal Occurences Good morrow, readers. While not the ordinary type of intelligence encountered here, you may be interested in a thing that passed me lately. Whilst looking for something esculent in my olitory one day last sennight, I found a few doughnuts that were a little over-ripe, that is, past their prime. […]

How to Influence People

At The Flying News, we have a fairly significant body of experience trying to influence people. Most of this experience has been obtained by attempting to convince merchants to provide us with free doughnuts, and even though we have always failed in our attempts, we feel prepared to give (possibly) helpful advice on this moderately […]

How to Reinvent the Wheel

If you think about wheels as often as we at The Flying News do, you may have heard various—and perhaps even sundry—persons discuss the desirability of reinventing the wheel. And for some reason or other, such specimens usually refer to the reinvention of the wheel as not wholly desirable. But having nothing better to do […]

The Flying News: Suggested Uses

If you have been a devoted reader of The Flying News for any length of time, you may, in your spare moments, have caught yourself wondering something like this: “Why am I reading this stuff?” Well, really, that’s something to be kept between you and your psychologist. If, on the other hand, you’d like to […]

Eat This—Not That

Eat This—Not That You may have noticed that quite a few books have been published lately about what to eat. Examples include Eat This, Not That, The Omnivore’s Dilemma, and My Very First Book of Food. These sorts of publications make it evident even to the untrained eye that there is a very great need […]

Guide to Engagements

There are, as everyone knows, as many different kinds of engagements as there are people. For example, frogs generally begin their engagement by being kissed by princesses. Lord Ickenham, in contrast, recommends that you proceed as follows: “stride up to the subject, grab her by the wrist, clasp her to your bosom and shower burning […]

Holiday Uncheer©

Cheer, as everyone knows, can mean (among various other meanings that I am not interested in discussing today) three distinct things: (1) A feeling of gaiety, mirth, or cheerfulness;1 (2) A loud shout or acclamation expressing applause, joy, enthusiasm, cheer (1), or approbation; and (3) Alcoholic beverages of all kinds, particularly those set forth to […]

How to Cope with Holiday Cheer

This time of year, you hear many people saying things like “Happy holidays!” and “Merry Christmas!”, usually with big grins and sometimes wearing floppy red hats with pom-poms on top. You also hear lots of happy, wintry, Christmas-y music playing over PA systems in stores, and you might even find yourself surrounded by carollers who […]

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