TFNLR

The Flying News has achieved literacy

The Flying News Literary Review

While our focus at The Flying News is, unsurprisingly, news, we have decided to create The Flying News Literary Review to show that (despite allegations to the contrary) we are not only cultured, but even literate. Here you will find showcased some of the most outstanding literature in the world, or, possibly, in the universe.



Thank the Thankers

Plate of odds and ends

A Thank You Note to End All Thank You Notes Dear Mr. & Mrs. Thankers, Thank you very much for your “thank you note.” It was quite amusing, and gave us all a good, hearty laugh. Your (and I use the plural form) use of the words “amazing,” “incredible,” and “unbelievable” was not only amazing, […]

Slug

A frog in a tree.

No need to rhyme with a slug— Don’t be a bug under the rug, a tick who’ll tug. You feel snug but we all shrug, you’re just a bug. No need to rhyme with a slug— Don’t be a thug. That loot you lug makes you look smug; won’t last for long, They’ll take your […]

Matilda

Who told Lies, and was Burned to Death Matilda told such Dreadful Lies, It made one Gasp and Stretch one’s Eyes; Her Aunt, who, from her Earliest Youth, Had kept a Strict Regard for Truth, Attempted to Believe Matilda: The effort very nearly killed her, And would have done so, had not She Discovered this […]

Dawn

I was walking through a dark alley just before dawn one day, when suddenly it became light. And then it dawned on me. It was dawn. I mean, it dawned on me that is was dawn. But also, it was dawn. And that’s when it dawned on me. I wasn’t in a dark alley anymore. […]

Puns & Butter: A Half-Act Play

Granola, orange juice, and squash. Part of a complete breakfast.

The scene: A breakfast table, finely set. Two unknown figures seated at either end. Both speak in King’s English. A: Please pass the puns. B: The what? A: The puns. The puns and butter. I’d like some puns and butter. B: Well, if that’s what you want. [B passes something to A, which looks rather […]

The Tay Bridge Disaster

Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay! Alas! I am very sorry to say That ninety lives have been taken away On the last Sabbath day of 1879, Which will be remember’d for a very long time. ’Twas about seven o’clock at night, And the wind it blew with all its might, And the rain […]

The Burial of the Rev. George Gilfillan

On the Gilfillan burial day, In the Hill o’ Balgay, It was a most solemn sight to see, Not fewer than thirty thousand people assembled in Dundee, All watching the funeral procession of Gilfillan that day, That death had suddenly taken away, And was going to be buried in the Hill o’ Balgay. There were […]

The Python

The Python     A Python I should not advise,— It needs a doctor for its eyes, And has the measles yearly.       However, if you feel inclined To get one (to improve your mind, And not from fashion merely),     Allow no music near its cage; And when it flies into […]

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