Health and Beauty

Horoscopes for the Bactrian

A white triplane flying in a rarely seen reddish-blue cloud formation.

Aries: Your life blows by like the wind in a hurricane. But don’t worry, eventually it will end. Taurus: Ride around on your bike, fall down, scrape an elbow, get back up, repeat. Gemini: Sometimes you just don’t know if your life is worth living. And then you read your horoscope, and you realise, everything’s […]

Horoscopes for the Superstitious

Two awards are better than one!

Aries: You will receive an unwelcome visitor, most likely arriving by air. Taurus: In the dead of night, if you’re not asleep, you should be. Gemini: Your future is entirely unpredictable. Cancer: Yes, still sick. Try radiation. Lego: Traumatic brain injury foils your plans for afternoon tea. But there’s always tomorrow. Virgo: To save money […]

Horoscopes for the Improper

A white triplane flying in a rarely seen reddish-blue cloud formation.

Aries: If you read your horoscope today, it won’t come true. Taurus: If you read Aries’ horoscope today, it won’t come true. Gemini: You’d rather be building a spacecraft. Cancer: Start working on your bucket list. Leo: Oel. Virgo: River deep, mountain high. Libra: Tip the scales, see what happens. Scrappy-o: A bit of a […]

Christmas Parties Take Their Toll

Dead man on couch.

Three weeks before Christmas, on 4 December, Mr. Edgar Rolton was pronounced dead after suddenly collapsing at the very end of a festive holiday party. Several friends tried to resuscitate the man, aged 45, while his wife (widow) looked on in utter grief. Paramedics arrived shortly thereafter but even they failed to resuscitate him. The […]

Horoscopes for the Unemployed

A white triplane flying in a rarely seen reddish-blue cloud formation.

Aries: πr2 Taurus: Ford, 2001, a little rickety, but still drives. Gemini: Everything looks a little greenish to you. Then you realise it’s the emerald you’re wearing like a monocle. Cancer: Chronic illness, cause uncertain, might well kill ya. Leo: Remember the bloke with the blue bandana? He’s still out to get you. Virgo: Hopeless. […]

How to Make Your Child Like Classical Music

The Old Violin, by William Michael Harnett.

If, like most people, you want your child to grow up cultured, or at least, somewhat fermented, one of the best ways is to make sure he likes classical music. Countless surveys1 show that children who like classical music grow up to become adults who like classical music, which means they are automatically smarter than […]

A Typical, Everyday Ethical Dilemma

Stop sign for the hearing impaired.

Since I consider myself a bit of an amateur philosopher1 (even if of above average intelligence—that is, above the average intelligence of the average amateur philosopher), today I’d like to introduce you to a hearty helping of good, sound, amateur philosophy. For now, we shall cover just the basics, dear Watson: an everyday scenario that […]

Art Review: Studies in Flab and Drooping Skin

Drawing of an old man

By the looks of past exhibits, I’d think artist Jeanine J. Eninaej was a primary school art teacher, exhibiting works by her worst students to wake up the masses to the unfortunate Future of Art in the post-postmodern world. But in fact, she exhibits her very own original “art” at some of the most “prestigious” […]

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