Camouflage for the Office

A new line of clothing by OfficeWear Max promises to improve your workday, reduce stress, and free up lots of time. The company, an off-shoot of Military Uniforms United, recently introduced a line of camouflaging office attire.

Marketing director Sarah Woolard of OfficeWear Max stated, “Our new line of camouflage will help you blend right in at the office so your boss and co-workers will never notice you. They’ll stop bringing you their problems and flooding you with work, giving you some well-deserved free time to deal with more important work of your own.” When asked, she also admitted that it would give you more time to read The Flying News, although she didn’t seem to know the names of all of our staff yet.

The standard offerings include both suits and business casual clothing for men and women in a wide range of colours and patterns. Among the most commonly used are:

  • Office Chair Black
  • Cubicle Grey
  • File Cabinet Beige
  • File Cabinet Grey
  • File Cabinet Yellow
  • A range of common carpet designs, which are both textured and coloured (intended especially for those who like to stretch out for naps), and
  • Several faux wood patterns which mimic a wooden desk.

Since the combination of carpet, chair, desk, and cubicle requires a combination of patterns to camouflage you entirely, personalized consulting services are also offered. Designers can visit your office disguised as mail delivery personnel for a free consultation and recommend the best coordinated outfits. And for those who are able to spend a little extra, OfficeWear Max can make custom suits which match your office layout with an accuracy of 99.9%.

This clothing has an advantage over the Boss-Mode Hammock, which is incredibly sophisticated, but too expensive for some and somewhat difficult to assemble.


“FĂ brica Aymerich, Amat i Jover,” by Enfo. CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons. Adapted.


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