Ten Things Your Plumber Won’t Tell You

Our Best Issue Yet!

After reading our articles on Ten Things Your Doctor Won’t Tell You and Ten Things Your Dentist Won’t Tell You, hundreds of readers have requested that we write one on plumbers, whom they also find all too reticent.

So, here we have all ten things your plumber won’t tell you:

  1. . . . and if you don’t believe me, stand downstairs with an umbrella while I flush the toilet.
  2. I wear my pants like this so customers won’t look over my shoulder while I work.
  3. Did you know that plumbum is Latin for lead? That’s why it’s “Pb” in the periodic table of contents. I learned that in my graduate school chemistry course. And that’s why it’s the only kind of pipe I use.
  4. I still use the pipe cleaner I got in elementary school art class. Works like a charm!
  5. This shower must have been used by the last owner as the cat’s litter box.
  6. Look what happens when I put my thumb over the faucet and turn it on!
  7. You’re the first customer this year who hasn’t flushed a pet down the toilet.
  8. I only listen to heavy metal music.
  9. The reason I’m a plumber is that (fill in the blank).
  10. Sorry for the rough language, and I know you got children in the next room, but I missed my coffee, doughnuts, and The Flying News this morning.

“Complicated Pipes,” by Raould. CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons.


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