Survey Finds 87% of News Counterfeit

You know how they check your bills with that funny marker whenever you buy something? Do you know why? It’s not because the clerks like the funny marker smell—it’s because you look like a counterfeiter. If you try to pass any funny money, the magic marker detects the forgery and immediately sets off alarm bells, calls the cops, and alerts the FDA.

Well, money isn’t the only thing being counterfeited these days. Olive oil fraud has been in the news a lot lately, and there seems to be a lot of counterfeit food out there, including milk, saffron, honey, coffee, fish, tea, maple syrup, turmeric, black and chili pepper, pomegranate juice, doughnuts, and eggs.1

Well, the problem doesn’t stop with food. A new survey by the Dissociated Press found that, of all the news currently available, approximately 87% is counterfeit. This is a really serious problem, since we all use news sources to help us make important decisions.

If you’re worried about counterfeit news, stay right where you are. All the news at The Flying News is guaranteed to be absolutely genuine!

For the curious, here’s the original poll:

How often do you knowingly purchase counterfeit food?

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How often do you unknowingly purchase counterfeit food?

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Would you ever consider giving counterfeit food as a gift.

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What is your favorite sort of counterfeit food?

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  1. While some of these counterfeits are pretty hard to detect, it’s pretty easy to figure out if you’ve got a counterfeit egg: you simply crack it open and see if there’s a golf ball inside.

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