Budgeting for Everyone
There are two main ways to budget, the credit method and the other method.
- The credit method:
The credit method is easy, provided you are able to borrow large sums of money. If you want to try the credit method of budgeting, follow these three easy steps:
- Borrow as much money as you can. Several million dollars is a good, rule-of-thumb minimum.
- Figure out what you want to spend the money on. Make sure you reserve enough money to pay your taxes on the money you have borrowed.
- Compare the total amount required to complete step 2 with the amount obtained in step 1. If the amount of money obtained in step 1 is less than that required in step 2, go back to step 1.
- Repeat as desired.
- This method of budgeting will work best for you if one or more of the following applies:
- You are a national government.
- You would like to become a national government, even if you’re not there yet.
- You don’t plan to live long enough for your debts to come due.
- The other method:
The other method is hard. If you want to try the other method, follow these fifteen steps:
- Figure out how much money you have.
- Figure out the value of any other resources you might have.
- Add the results of step 1 to the results of step 2. If the sum is greater than zero, you may proceed to step 3. Otherwise, add the results of line 53 from form 48D to the square root of the results of line 928,347 divided by the age of your pet rat Pat in square seconds. Or else just use the credit method like everyone else.
- Figure out how much money you need. Compare this amount with the sum of steps 1 and 2.
- Since the amount from step 3 is greater than the sum of the amounts from steps 1 and 2, figure out which items from step 3 you don’t really need.
- Now compare the total from step 4 with the sum of steps 2 and 3. If the result of step 4 is less than that sum, you must have made a mistake. Go back to step 4 and check your work.
- Otherwise, go back to step 3.
- Compare the result of step 4 with the result of step 3.
- Or just use the credit method.
- Repeat as desired.
- This method of budgeting will work best for you if one of the following is true:
- You are rich in natural resources and have large reserves of oil, casinos, or natural gas.
- You are a successful bank robber.
- You don’t need to eat because you are on your deathbed.
- You are a tree.
“Consolidated Budget” by Office of Management and Budget of the Government of Puerto Rico. Public domain via Wikimedia Commons.