D. I. Y. Impulses Linked to Newly Discovered Virus!
Virologists at the University of Bristol have discovered a new virus linked to increased interest in DIY home improvements.
“Epidemiologists noticed that interest in home improvement projects is not uniformly distributed,” reports Alexandra Dyer, William Shakespeare Professor of Virology at Bristol University. “They were surprised to see that the distribution of interest in home improvement projects undertaken and completed seemed very similar to the way in which viruses spread. This led us to undertake a fascinating new study, which culminated in the discovery of a new virus, tentatively called Malletovirus muscularis. This virus is unusual in that it primarily binds to the Y chromosome.”
Herman A. Wood, President of Concerned Citizens Incorporated, promptly accused an anonymous collusion of building supply manufacturers of engineering the virus. Frank Broyles, chief of marketing of International Home Improvement Supply, categorically denied all of Wood’s charges, charging him with being a major shareholder of rival corporation Worldwide Home Improvement Materials.
So far, the virus has been resistant to drugs. Pfizoid Pfarma® has begun development of a vaccine, and have begun trials in carpenter ants.
Based on public domain image by Pavel Hrdlička, available at http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Zidovudine-3D-balls.png.