Surfing?

Public domain image, "Reeve and Serfs," the Queen Mary Master. Available at http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/61/Reeve_and_Serfs.jpg.

A New Approach to Surfing

Now that summer is here, you may feel inclined to take up a new outdoor activity. We, at The Flying News, would like to point out that one of your options is surfing. Now, you may object that there are certain difficulties involved in surfing. The three difficulties we want to address today are as follows:

  • Surfing requires waves, so if you do not live near the ocean, you may think that you won’t be able to surf.
  • Surfing requires standing on a board. If you don’t have legs, it might seem that you won’t be able to stand on a board.
  • Surfing requires a board. If you don’t have a board, and don’t want to buy one, then you might think surfing would be impossible.

So what can you do about this?

At The Flying News, we have some solutions to these problems.

  • If lack of waves is your problem, get your board ready and spin around rapidly in one spot. After a while, the whole room will start to move. Grab your board and catch some waves. But hurry, the effect won’t last long.
  • But what, you ask, about those of us without legs. Surely we can’t surf too. Here at The Flying News, we’ve worked out not one, but two, solutions to that problem as well:
    1. Surf while doing a handstand. Instead of the easy, boring, old-fashioned method of surfing with your legs, simply grab the board with your hands, and surf head downwards.
    2. Levitate over your board. This is another very impressive way to surf without legs. There are two main methods of levitation available to the ordinary legless surfer:
      1. Magic.
      2. Magnets. You don’t even need to have magnet-installation surgery for this one. Simply install superconducting magnets in your board, and start surfing.
  • And what if you don’t have a board? Seriously, you don’t have a board? There are boards everywhere. Rip one out of a wall, find one lying in street, or make your own out of a handy tree.

So now that your surfing difficulties have been overcome, go out there and get a few.
Public domain image. Original available at http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Cornwall_Wave.jpg#mediaviewer/File:Cornwall_Wave.jpg


Public domain image, “Reeve and Serfs,” the Queen Mary Master. Available at http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/61/Reeve_and_Serfs.jpg.
Public domain image. Original available at http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Cornwall_Wave.jpg.


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