High School Reunion Brings Back Tension, Bad Memories

Flyer for high school reunion

At Low Point High School, in southern Ithaca, New York, some members of the class of 1996 have mixed feelings about attending their 21-year high school reunion, which took place last Saturday. It seems that not all of the former students have wonderful memories of their high school years. In fact, several of them expressed […]

Bean Soup: An Adventure in Cooking

Not so very long ago . . . I was hungry. Very hungry. So hungry that I thought I had better make myself some bean soup. But then, I found myself faced with a difficult, although—as events proved—not insoluble, problem: I was out of beans. But, as luck would have it, I happened to recall […]

Unmanned Passenger Flight Crashes

Public Domain image by George Johnson. Available at http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b9/Plane_crash.jpg

A test flight of an unmanned American Airlines drone crashed last night while flying over Las Vegas. The flight was originally going to carry 21 passengers, but all of them cancelled at the last minute due to supposedly coincidental schedule conflicts.1 At the time of the crash, air traffic controllers were trying to dissuade the […]

Door Bell and Knocker Testing

The following ad has come to our attention. We find it disgusting, reprehensible, and downright repulsive: not the least bit fit to publish. Need a special gift for a special someone this Valentine’s Day? Why not give them the gift of Door Bell and/or Knocker Testing? We offer top-of-the-line, best-on-the-block, knock-your-socks-off testing services at reasonable […]

How to Bleach Your Hair

Laundry symbol for non-chlorine bleach when needed.

If you’ve never bleached your hair before, you might find yourself wondering about the process: Does hydrogen peroxide really make your hair blonde? Should I try it? How will it look? Will my friends still like me? Who are my friends anyway? What if they’re not my friends at all? Well, I can’t answer all […]

Reverse Advertising

I started to become aware of this new kind of advertising when a truck featuring a prominent bumper sticker pulled in front of me and slammed on its brakes.1 “Well,” I said to myself, “I’m never going to McDonald’s again.” It was only later, when I happened to discuss the incident with a fellow sufferer […]

Introducing the Metric Dozen

10 eggs in a carton

Egg sellers around the world will soon be peddling their produce in metric. After centuries of following the misguided (albeit traditional) ‘twelvic’ system, in which eggs were sold by the ‘dozen’, they are finally falling in line with the rest of the modern world1, and will begin selling eggs by the Metric Dozen. Rather than […]

After Recount, The Real Winner of the 2016 Election Is . . .

RONALD MCDONALD! Voters and politicians everywhere were shocked, stunned, and speechless as the results of the recount were announced last night. Even those who insisted that the initial election count could not possibly be accurate were not expecting this result. But, as one thoughtful voter from Florida remarked, Really, this is a better result than […]

© 1915-2015, The Flying News. 3.3 VDC. Frontier Theme