Scientists Discover Historic Blunder: “Lucy” Was Really Named “Suzie”

In an astounding breakthrough, scientists at the International University of West Carolina discovered a longstanding case of mistaken identity: The female skeleton known throughout the world as “Lucy” really belonged to “Suzie”! Three paleontologists, George Kratos, Chiamaka Achieng Afolayan, and Publius Cornelius Scipio Africanus, were digging around in Ethiopia. One Tuesday, while listening to “Wake […]

Write Your Own News Story

Miniature Stonehenge created by miniature Druids thousands of years ago.

Good morning, afternoon, or evening, Flying News Reader! Today we have a special treat for you. This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance. You get to write your own News Story! Yippee! says the Unsuspecting Reader. So here you go. Fill in the blanks—(as you can see, we’ve provided a few details to make it easier): On_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________. […]

More on the Theme Wedding Theme

Last week, we ran an article exploring the phenomenon of theme weddings. Now, we return to that fertile topic with a list of themes—invaluable if a wedding looms in your future; otherwise merely entertaining. First of all, there’s the Barbarian Theme Wedding: For this wedding, the groom dresses up in skins and hits the bride […]

Theme Weddings

From the very name, you can almost certainly guess what a theme wedding is: a wedding with a theme. “But,” you might be inclined to respond, “so what?” If you don’t have any plans for a wedding in the near future, your unthinking reaction could well be to think that a theme wedding is, in […]

Art Review: Studies in Flab and Drooping Skin

Drawing of an old man

By the looks of past exhibits, I’d think artist Jeanine J. Eninaej was a primary school art teacher, exhibiting works by her worst students to wake up the masses to the unfortunate Future of Art in the post-postmodern world. But in fact, she exhibits her very own original “art” at some of the most “prestigious” […]

How to Win Any Argument

Studies show that the ordinary person engages in an argument approximately once every 1.20076 days (excluding Sundays and holidays, when arguments are more frequent). And how you go about arguing will determine whether, on the one hand, you end up feeling as if you have just demonstrated that your argumentative capacities are roughly equal to […]

Camouflage for the Office

A new line of clothing by OfficeWear Max promises to improve your workday, reduce stress, and free up lots of time. The company, an off-shoot of Military Uniforms United, recently introduced a line of camouflaging office attire. Marketing director Sarah Woolard of OfficeWear Max stated, “Our new line of camouflage will help you blend right […]

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