Horoscopes for the Unemployed

A white triplane flying in a rarely seen reddish-blue cloud formation.

Aries: πr2 Taurus: Ford, 2001, a little rickety, but still drives. Gemini: Everything looks a little greenish to you. Then you realise it’s the emerald you’re wearing like a monocle. Cancer: Chronic illness, cause uncertain, might well kill ya. Leo: Remember the bloke with the blue bandana? He’s still out to get you. Virgo: Hopeless. […]

English Town Introduces Dyslexic-Friendly Street Signs

Stop sign that reads SPOT.

Although many precincts cater to physically handicapped citizens with ramps on sidewalks and near building entrances, one portion of the population still feels left out. In fact, mentally handicapped people may even outnumber the physically handicapped, but most do not admit their own existence. But one such handicap, dyslexia, has reached heightened awareness lately, and […]

How to Make Your Child Like Classical Music

The Old Violin, by William Michael Harnett.

If, like most people, you want your child to grow up cultured, or at least, somewhat fermented, one of the best ways is to make sure he likes classical music. Countless surveys1 show that children who like classical music grow up to become adults who like classical music, which means they are automatically smarter than […]

The Future from the Past

Chart recorder spewing data.

Surprising Predictions from Past Decades Our roving reporter Ryan Rocifero has been roving again, this time in a sort of time-travel exercise. He has spent nearly a fortnight scouring newspaper columns from the beginning of several decades in the first half of the 20th Century, looking for predictions of “what may come in future decades” […]

A Typical, Everyday Ethical Dilemma

Stop sign for the hearing impaired.

Since I consider myself a bit of an amateur philosopher1 (even if of above average intelligence—that is, above the average intelligence of the average amateur philosopher), today I’d like to introduce you to a hearty helping of good, sound, amateur philosophy. For now, we shall cover just the basics, dear Watson: an everyday scenario that […]

In-Car Pianos

Shortly before three o’clock in the morning last night,1 I was opening up the dashboard in my car, for what reason I cannot now recall. Having uncovered the innards of the vehicle’s control system, I noticed a large number of mechanical buttons or keys, which were linked to some padded hammer mechanisms whose purpose seemed […]

Scientists Discover Historic Blunder: “Lucy” Was Really Named “Suzie”

In an astounding breakthrough, scientists at the International University of West Carolina discovered a longstanding case of mistaken identity: The female skeleton known throughout the world as “Lucy” really belonged to “Suzie”! Three paleontologists, George Kratos, Chiamaka Achieng Afolayan, and Publius Cornelius Scipio Africanus, were digging around in Ethiopia. One Tuesday, while listening to “Wake […]

Write Your Own News Story

Miniature Stonehenge created by miniature Druids thousands of years ago.

Good morning, afternoon, or evening, Flying News Reader! Today we have a special treat for you. This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance. You get to write your own News Story! Yippee! says the Unsuspecting Reader. So here you go. Fill in the blanks—(as you can see, we’ve provided a few details to make it easier): On_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________. […]

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