Is Your Butter Cultured?

There are so many choices for every item in the grocery “superstore” nowadays that you never know what you will come home with. The other day, after getting lost in the supermarket and eventually waking up strewn out on the sidewalk in front of my house/apartment/tent/cave/dwelling, I found a package labelled “Cultured Butter” in my […]

Article Man Rescues Children From Wayward Tongues

Superhero with a scarlet letter A on his chest.

Growing concern among teachers, policemen, and the elderly about fallacious speech habits has spawned a new kind of superhero: Article Man. With a superhero figure, rippling muscles, and sparkling white teeth, Article Man’s mission is to “save these darn children from their own bad language.” But in this case it, isn’t four-letter words he’s concerned […]

New York Newspaper No Longer To Use Four Letter Words

In a landmark blow for linguistic and orthographic equality, a famous New York newspaper has made the decision to eliminate all words of four letters. “For a long time now,” says director of publicity and propaganda Bob Brzezinszki, “we have illegitimately discriminated against a small group of four letter words, to the point of excluding […]

High School Reunion Brings Back Tension, Bad Memories

Flyer for high school reunion

At Low Point High School, in southern Ithaca, New York, some members of the class of 1996 have mixed feelings about attending their 21-year high school reunion, which took place last Saturday. It seems that not all of the former students have wonderful memories of their high school years. In fact, several of them expressed […]

Bean Soup: An Adventure in Cooking

Not so very long ago . . . I was hungry. Very hungry. So hungry that I thought I had better make myself some bean soup. But then, I found myself faced with a difficult, although—as events proved—not insoluble, problem: I was out of beans. But, as luck would have it, I happened to recall […]

Unmanned Passenger Flight Crashes

Public Domain image by George Johnson. Available at http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b9/Plane_crash.jpg

A test flight of an unmanned American Airlines drone crashed last night while flying over Las Vegas. The flight was originally going to carry 21 passengers, but all of them cancelled at the last minute due to supposedly coincidental schedule conflicts.1 At the time of the crash, air traffic controllers were trying to dissuade the […]

Door Bell and Knocker Testing

The following ad has come to our attention. We find it disgusting, reprehensible, and downright repulsive: not the least bit fit to publish. Need a special gift for a special someone this Valentine’s Day? Why not give them the gift of Door Bell and/or Knocker Testing? We offer top-of-the-line, best-on-the-block, knock-your-socks-off testing services at reasonable […]

© 1915-2017, The Flying News. Not tested on animals. Frontier Theme